Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
