im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
