you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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