Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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