so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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