sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
