it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
