Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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