he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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