That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
