I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
