I didn't shave. On purpose
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
