I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
