jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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