So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
