no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
