so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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