In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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