what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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