Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
