and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
