You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
