if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
