You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
