those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And then he peed in my hair
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