the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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