that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
