I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
