Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
