Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
