What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
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I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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