So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
