Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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