My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
