i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
