Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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