I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
