Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And then my night got REAL pukey
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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