Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
