Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
