shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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