Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
