Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
