Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
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