Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
