She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
