By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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