I didn't shave. On purpose
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
