I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize