yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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