hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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