the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Shame is for Republicans.
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