So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
