just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
please come you make the beer taste better
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
