Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
