Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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