I accidentally had phone sex last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
