If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
