....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
