Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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