well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
