I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
