someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
