so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize