there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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