I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
