I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
