Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
