Swine flu. Run for my life!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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