Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
