Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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