The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
